Put Quill To Parchment And Just Fucking Write Something

I have, for the better part of my life, tried unsuccessfully to be come a writer. To take the imaginary world that exists inside my head and put it down on paper. Divest myself of the creatures the populate my thoughts on any given day.

To that end, I have been a complete and total failure. Not that I haven’t tried. I have notebooks and hard drive space devoted to the ideas that have sprung up from the fertile ground that my imagination can provide. That, ladies and gentlemen, is where they sit. Not a one finished.

I tried comic books and poetry in the 90’s. Comic books went nowhere and my poetry was so bad as to inspire people to actually demand money back at a free poetry reading. I’m not joking. Okay, a little.

I’ve tried free thought. That lasted for two pages.

I tried structured outlines. The outlines are wonderful, detailed, and rich, they give you a full explanation of how the world works. In prose, not so much.

In universe fiction. Lord of the Rings. X-Men. Wheel of Time. Star Wars. The X-Men one seemed to be going somewhere for thirty pages. Now it sits in the bottom of a virtual desk collecting virtual dust.

I have created my own worlds and universes. I have expanded worlds and shrunk them down to the atoms. Nothing.

Fiction. Nope.

Science Fiction. Nope.

Fantasy. Nope.

Western. Nope.

Romance. Yes … and no.

After writing for a few pages I get bored and move on to something else. A new meme or a new note on Facebook. A new status on someone’s Twitter, that has to be more intresting than what I’ve got going on. Maybe some TV will inspire productivity.

Ha!

I don’t suffer from writer’s block. It’s not writer’s block. If anything, it’s writer’s diarrhea and I get bored playing in the droppings.

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