Old Friends, Older Wounds

Today I tried to add as a friend I guy I knew from college. We used to hang out, talk about life, how the universe worked, who we were as people. He was a cool guy friend, someone I could chill with and not feel the pressure of hooking up. One, he was straight. Two, he had a girlfriend.

This guy, let’s call him James, was a good friend. We used to hang out all the time. He helped me through some rough stuff in my early 20’s and I was always had an ear to lend when he and his girl broke up again and again. We were cool.

After college, we drifted apart. Managed to stay in touch through mutual friends and the odd phone call. He had a baby and I had very little time due to work. I didn’t particularly care for the mother of his child, he knew that. I did however, manage to keep myself at least civil to the woman when I would run into them. (She trapped him by getting pregnant … but that’s another post.)

Today I got curious about him and looked him up on Facebook. To my surprise, I found him. He has an unusual last name, so it wasn’t hard. I tried to add him as a friend, remembering the fun we had together, not so much the verbal bashing I used to do about his girlfriend. He accepted the add, but he didn’t appear in my timeline. When I clicked on his name, it still said “Add as Friend”.

A little annoyed, I sent him a new message saying that something had happened and could he accept me again. I knew he was online and would get the request soon.

Nothing.

At first I was pissed off. I mean really. How childish is it to accept someone as your friend, only to take it back. I would never do …

I had done something like that. A guy “Friended” me and I accepted. A day later, I dropped him because he had “spammed” my timeline with all the apps and stuff he did on Facebook. Also, I started to think about the people who had sent me requests and I had ignored them or flat-out refused to deal with it because they had hurt me in someway in the past.

It made me pause.

I sent a message to him telling him that I was sorry for all the crap I put him through about his girlfriend. About why he stayed with her when he knew what she had done. I apologized for it all.

I wished him well and said my peace.

It’s hard to ask for forgiveness for me sometimes. I care so much about the people in my life, I sometimes forget that I can hurt them without meaning to.

This is an open apology. If I have hurt you in the past, I am sorry. It was not my intention. As your friend, I want what is best for you and will make you the happiest. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but I hope it sheds some light on it.

Bless.

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