Change Is Gonna Come … Why?

The Transformer Toy - Optimus PrimeSo lately, I have been kind of in a foul mood. Not just at work or at home, but everywhere. It’s almost like I have a terminal case of “I Hate Everybody”. I just get up irritated and go to bed pissed.

I think most of it’s due to my … inability to see past my perceived limitations. What I mean is that I can’t see past my own problems. I’ve been trying to find a way through the problems, but for every solution, I find 20 reasons not to do it. Most of it has to do with money. Sometimes it’s laziness. Occasionally I throw in “because I just don’t want to” to keep it fresh and real.

I envy people who can make change in their life easily. I make a change and it takes me weeks of preparation and study. I carefully go over all areas and possible outcomes. I tweak decisions till I feel their right for me. Talk to a couple of friends about making the change. Finally, I make the decision to change then I never do it, or I do it spontaneously.

To give you an example: I looked at buying a digital camera for two years. Looking to see what features I wanted, the megapixles, what kind of customer service the company had if something went wrong, and asking everyone I knew who had one what they thought.

I bought one spur of the moment because we had it on sale at work. It was a camera I had never looked at from a company I barely knew.

You can see how making a decision is a bit difficult for me.

It’s not that I don’t want change, it’s just that I don’t want change. I want the hard part of making a change over with so I can get on with my life. Let someone else make the decision for me and I can move on. Want to change careers? Don’t ask me, ask my handler, they make the decisions.

I know I’m going to have to make a change soon. Work has become a constant irritant for me. I registered for monster.com to see if that would be helpful in finding me a way out. If the way thing are now continues, I don’t know how much longer I can go before the whole thing crumbles.

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